Day 10: Another Day Down

It really is getting hard for me to remember how many days we’ve been here. Every day just sort of slides into the next. I pump at 6 a.m., eat some breakfast, go back to sleep until my 8:30 a.m. pumping, lounge around some, make my way over to the NICU, hold Ambrose, pump some more, eat lunch, pump some more, hold Ambrose some more, pump some more, eat dinner…and on and on.

Ambrose is doing fine, as per usual. They haven’t decreased his oxygen flow down from a 3 yet, but that’s fine. We’ll get there. He seems to be doing well without the morphine again — just a little grouchy. As for his NG tube feedings, they are going up and up! I forget what we’re at now, but I know that to be able to take the PICC line out (forgive me if I wrote this yesterday, I can’t remember) they need to be up to 120 ml/kilo body weight/day. I think that’s right.

We tried breastfeeding again twice today; once with the lactation consultant and once without. (She said I was handling him like a pro. Guess all my studying paid off! ;)) He got an A++ from the lactation consultant, and I didn’t leave in tears, so I guess that’s progress? We’re still working on the suck, but each time seems to be getting a little better. And he’s starting to take his binkie like a pro, which is definitely a step in the right direction.

The lactation consultant also told me to consider bottle feeding him a bit, with the idea being that he learns to suck a bit better via that route, which will help his transition to the breast. I’m not totally opposed. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this NICU stay, it’s that the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. From the comments I got on my last post, here and on Facebook, a lot of people have successfully made the bottle-to-breast transition. And if it’s the one thing keeping him from going home at the end of the day, I’m going to give him the bottle and find more support when we get home.

As for me, my mastitis seems to sort of be healing? I guess? At least my fever is mostly gone.

But I’ve just been having a rough couple of days emotionally. I’m not sure why. Maybe the mastitis set me over the edge, but I haven’t been my usual happy self. I mean, I wasn’t when we first got here, but once Ambrose started improving, and definitely once we heard the MRI results, my equilibrium seemed to shift back to normal. I was coping. Now, though, I’m just weepy and worn down. I really want to take my kid home.

But we’re making progress in that direction, anyway. And one of these days we really will be able to take him home! And I really, really look forward to that day.

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8 thoughts on “Day 10: Another Day Down”

  1. Hi Emily. I can remember back to when my Lily was that age and although I was happy I still had this sad, unexplained weepy feeling. I told myself I’m not going to be this sad baby blues Mom but in reality your body is hormonally going crazy and you sometimes can’t help how you feel. Plus you are going through an emotional time with everything that is going on. You are a very strong Woman to do what you are doing. We continue to pray for you and little Ambrose.

  2. Love to your sweet little family. Be good to yourself. Your spirit, heart, body and mind have been through the ringer. Sending love and prayers your way.

  3. Emotional ups and downs address completely normal for a new mom even in the best of circumstances. A lot of hormones going on so don’t be so hard on yourself. Keep faith. That homecoming day is soon to come.

  4. He is so adorable and I love the daily pics of him….his eyes are so big and beautiful. Warms my heart to read your posts. Keeping the prayers coming!!

  5. Thinking of you every day and wishing all good things for Ambrose’s progress and yours. From this side looking in, you look like a pro. You’re human. And you just had a baby. The emotional roller coaster is natural after so much stress. And yes, those cute pics are hard to resist. He’s precious!

  6. We are continuing in prayer for you all and rejoicing for the progress so far. Nursing was really really hard at first with Abigail too, lots of tears for both of us and a photo of us both crying in her baby book for honesty. Once she figured it out though, she was a total pro and I bet Ambrose will be too. During that time, it helped a lot when Evan took her for a walk and calmed her down and gave me a short break before trying again. You are a rockstar momma and we love the updates!

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